Reading, Part 10

First of all, if you’re in the US - or abroad and celebrating anyway - Belated Happy Thanksgiving! I hope it went better than expected, and that you found moments of peace and beauty along the way.

That isn’t always easy.

Friends and family can be exhausting, the holidays can be overwhelming, and sometimes just getting through is an effort. But I suspect you have people rooting for you, even if you’re not aware of it.

Take a moment, take a deep breath, drop your shoulders and smile. You’re doing great.

Emily, on the other hand…

THE DEVIL and ANSUZ

We sat at the table, looking at each other, neither one of us ready to speak just yet. She had drawn The Devil, and I just wasn’t ready to touch it yet.

“This is going to be different from the other visions,” I warned her. “What we’ve seen in the past is set, fixed, and it can’t be undone, so it was easy to see.” She gave a small snort at the idea that any of this had been easy and I gave a brief, small smile. “Yeah, well, easier. However unpleasant, that story’s already been told, so in its way, it was easier. This won’t be. First of all, what we’ll be looking at now is happening now, or in the quite recent past or the immediate future. It’s fluid, mutable. What I see here may have happened, you’ll know as much as I if that’s true. But if it hasn’t happened yet, then it’s all subject to change. In fact, by telling you this, we are influencing what is happening, and it may change simply because you’re aware of it.

“But there are other things that have been set in motion and will need definite action on your part to change. Inaction will allow them to happen. You will have to choose what it is you want to do.” I added carefully, “Not all inaction is bad.”

She gulped a bit and nodded.

I fixed her with a look. “Understand this, Emily. Whatever happens here will be yours to deal with. There is nothing I can or will do to change what is to come. Even if I see that you are to die. I like you a lot, but if that’s what I see is going to happen, I will not lift a finger to stop it. That is not my role, not at all. I am just the voice. You have to be the sword.”

“You said earlier that I wouldn't die. Why are you saying now that I might?” She didn't sound panicked but she wasn't complacent either.

“We've already made changes by looking into the past. While I didn't see you dying when you got here, things are not the same as they were just a couple of hours ago. You've changed, and that influences everything.”

She bit her lip and shuddered, deep and long. “Not even to save me? You wouldn’t do anything?”

“Nothing. That is why people like me never marry, have children. We’re merely the eyes, the voice. If we become too attached to someone, anyone, we cannot be honest in our readings, our visions become tainted. So we live solitary lives always.” I shrugged. “It’s one of the prices we pay for the gift. Fortunately, most of us who have this gift are solitary by nature. It isn’t the hardship for us that it would be for most people. Too many people around me would overload me, I’d go insane. I rarely go out in public. In fact, I rarely leave the grounds here. Here I’m safe and protected, and I cannot and will not change that.

“So you are on your own and the decisions you make are yours alone.

“But understand this too. No matter what you do, I do not judge you either. I hope you’ll do the right thing, whatever that is, but if you don’t, that’s none of my concern. You’re the only person who is responsible for you. I’m here only to make sure you can make an informed decision.”

We sat in silence a bit longer. Then I said, “The visions will be shorter, disjointed. It will be harder to make sense of them, which is another reason for the tape recorders. Things will come too quickly to be assessed properly, and since you have no memories of them, you won’t immediately be able to understand everything that’s happening.” She nodded, and picked up a pen, ready to take quick notes.

“The other thing that I want you to be aware of is that this will be extremely unpleasant. There may be some moments of good things, but you’ll need to assess them carefully. The card you’ve drawn, The Devil? It’s the darkest card there is. It’s darker even than Death.”

She stared at the card, then looked up at me. For a moment I thought she’d stop it here, and she could. Understanding the past is a huge bit of knowledge, and she could go on from here stronger and more prepared. But then she sat up straight and I saw a history of warrior queens echoing in her eyes. She held her pen like a sword and nodded.

“I’m ready.”

I see Marc, standing in his kitchen. He puts something into a cup of soup and then takes it to Emily. She smiles at him and sips. He stands over her and watches until she drinks all the soup. He then kisses her, takes the bowl and washes it thoroughly. In a sliding moment, I see that the pill bottle Marc just used is now in Emily’s bedside table.

I see a memo being typed, and although I cannot see the typist, I know that Marc is behind it. It is addressed to the shareholders of Emily’s business. I do not know what it says, because the page itself is black and poisonous.

I see Phillip in chains, locked to a block, the same pill bottle at his feet, but he does not see it. He is in a rising pool of darkness, but he is not looking at it. His eyes are focused on something I cannot see, and the sun is warm on his face. It is fighting back the dark, but without help, the Sun cannot win.

I see the shadow man, the Druid, the Green Man searching for Emily. His need is palpable. He is not panicking, he never does, but he is unrelenting in his search for her, and his concern is mounting.

I see the white deer, the hind, running toward Emily out of the mist. It circles her and runs toward the shadow man. Then it lays down at his feet and vanishes in the mist. I see windows in a building exploding in flame, and the glass all takes the shape of Ansuz, the downward F rune. I know that there is a new family forming, but this is the rune of Loki the trickster, and nothing is certain or what it seems to be.

I see a small fairy, nestling in Emily’s arms, and I see that child fairy being driven off by the Goddess Hathor in her leopard self. I see Hathor leap directly at Emily and vanish, only to look at me out of Emily’s eyes.

I see Emily walking a tightrope. I cannot see what is holding it up, but she sways, then leaps forward out of my sight.

I see the hart walking slowly and surely toward a fire, then vanishing in its flames. Then all I see is darkness. I hear Josh Joplin singing “I’ve Changed” and I see bodies rising out of the darkness into the sun, but I do not recognize any of them.

I see the fairy child playing in the daisies, sunlight warm on her wings, no darkness in sight anywhere.

Exhausted, I slumped back in my chair, my eyes closed. I was panting, and I could feel sweat beading at my hairline, running down my spine.

We both jumped when Emily’s cell phone rang. She stared at me. I had seen her turn it off. Slowly she pulled it out.

Before she answered it, I said, “You won’t have time to assess what I just told you. All I can say is trust the hart, the white deer. Remember that you are now filled with the power of Hathor, which means you can both create and destroy.” Her eyes never left mine as I echoed Marc’s voice coming out of the phone.

“There’s a fire.”